It is nearly 1am in the morning and i find myself unable to fall asleep, cause my mind wonders to this one scene in a movie i watched today, About A Boy. This scene comes when Hugh Grant's character realizes what gives his life meaning. It is the scene that leads up to this realization that hits me the most. Reason being, is what Hugh Grant's character says is what i fear the most in life. To have everything, but for it to all mean nothing. I am bothered by this thought that my life will end up this way. Sometimes i feel certain it will end up this way. Sad thing is much like Hugh Grant's character i do know what would give me meaning in my life at this point in my stage. Cause lets face it, the way i am feeling at this moment while i am writing this blog is only a stage in my life. If only i had someone i could share my life with, that would give me so much meaning right now. Some how that seems so cliche. How? I do not know, but it does. For 21 years i have live my life solo, alone, without a significant other, and yet some how i have wormed my way through this empty life. At times it has been unbearable, at times it has been easy. But the fact remains, loneliness has followed me quite a distance. But i fear it has caught up to me, and it depresses me. My friends are always there and reading this they might give me advice or might belittle my problem, i do not know, cause i probably don't care. Cause loneliness, is a one man battle, and that battle is mine to fight, mine alone. But there is nothing to fuel my need to fight any longer, and my perception of being alone for life has grown stronger these past months. Why i am writing all this down i do not know, reading what i wrote seems quite pathetic as well, but i cannot sleep and my mind wonders too much when i close my eyes. This may help get me the sleep i need for school. So see you when i see you.